Between Wedding and Marriage
As far as many people are concerned, wedding and marriage is a matter of the use of words; they are synonymous. On the other hand, there are those who are of the view that wedding and marriage are two different events in one’s life.
Ideologically, wedding is a one-day ceremony of the beginning a nuptial journey whereby a “life contract” is signed by the couples involved and other witnesses in the public glaring. Therefore, their ideology posits that while wedding is a one-day festivity, marriage is a life time celebration. In other words, marriage is termed life after wedding.
Having said that, another side of the story has it that people invest a lot of time, energy and money while perfecting preparation for a spectacular wedding at the expense of other relevant matters, especially issues that are germane to a successful and lasting marriage.
They are of the view that a large percentage of people who are prone to elaborate wedding do not actually have the wherewithal, in practical term, to sustain and maintain such lifestyle after wedding. Consequently, all kinds of matrimonial acrimonies arise, especially financial matters which eventually often lead to divorce.
So, these categories of people wonder why someone would go extra mile badly in debt because of one-day merriment at the expense of their future’s financial well-being. They argue that inasmuch as a celebrated wedding is important, wisdom demands that one exhibit moderation in such a transient event.
One of the supporters of this school of thought is one Alhaji Mutiu Agbede, a Nigerian politician and businessman. In a chat with him, having been married for 16 years, he is of the opinion that considerable planning for marriage should be prioritised, not excessive spending on a one-day festivity.
According to him:“One can have a low-key wedding or an elaborate wedding; it depends of the financial capability of the persons involved. Wedding is just a day ceremony while marriage is for a lasting period of time. What matter most in marriage is the caring that must be invested in the marriage by both couples.
This is important because you have to invest your time on your marriage in order to make it work and last. The problem most people are having in marriage today is that they spend a lot of money and time on their wedding at the expense of the life after wedding. It doesn’t make sense to go and borrow just because you want to have an elaborate wedding. Such action stands a potential threat to one’s marriage in future.”, he expressed.
In the same vein, one Mrs. Latifat Adeleye, a fashion designer, whose marriage clocks three years in 2013, is of the same mind with Alhaji Agbede’s stance. While chatting with her on the issue, she is of the view that a lot of people failed to plan for the life after wedding, which has often led to most breaking marriages. She emphasises “deep love” as the key to weather any unexpected matrimonial storm. She said: “Deep love is the key to a successful and lasting marriage. This will help both husband and the wife to exercise longsuffering and patience for each other during matrimonial problems. So, in my own view, I don’t support elaborate wedding at the expense of the resources and time needed for a lasting marriage. So, as far as I’m concerned, spending a lot of money on wedding is a wastage. I would rather invest that money to plan ahead for the life after wedding.” She stated. Also, one Mr. Akeem Omotosho shared his considered opinion. He also threw some light on the difference between wedding and marriage. According to him, he said: “Some people don’t know the difference between wedding and marriage. Wedding is just a call for people to come and celebrate with you for the new life you are about to enter. But the most important thing is the marital life itself which is the marriage and it is for a life time if all things work well for the couples involved. Therefore, instead of extravagance spending on wedding, one should be concerned on how to show necessary attributes that are needed for an enduring marriage. Both couples should prioritise on how to make their home peaceful and live in love, endurance and patience instead of exhausting all their resources on one-day celebration.” He advised.
Still on the same line of thought, one Mrs. Hawau Badru, a stylist, also shared her philosophy on the subject matter. She said: “My stance on wedding is that one should endeavour not to spend beyond one’s financial capability. It is unfortunate that most people have invited problems into their lives through elaborate wedding. The reason is that it is often difficult to know who truly loves you in this part of the world. Therefore, elaborate wedding is often termed an open invitation to unnecessary enmity in the life after wedding. Although a lot of people came to celebrate with me during my own wedding, we didn’t spend beyond our financial strength. Now I give thanks to Almighty Allah for His goodness towards my family after seven years in marriage. (Alhamdulilahi).”, she expressed. Also, another young lady who has married for five years, one Mrs. Rukayat Adebayo, a businesswoman, said: “I would encourage a low-key wedding, so that one can spend substantial time to plan for the future of one’s family, which is most important.”, she stated.
Based on the above concept, it is, therefore, suffice to deduce that inasmuch as a celebrated wedding is important, wisdom demands that one should be more concerned about how to live the life that comes after wedding successfully, despite several unforeseen matrimonial challenges. Based on the people’s concept, the difference between wedding and marriage is one’s emotional stability and intellectual prowess to handle daunting issues that could militate against the life after wedding.
Bakare is a student of Mass Communication at the University of Lagos.