Relationship: 5 don’ts after breaking up
There are so many reasons why a relationship comes to an end. Cheating on each other or harsh quarrelling are just the extreme cases, actually nothing special should happen to lose each other. It could be just because the two of you change in different ways as time passes. It could be because you argue too much and are unable to solve your problems. It also could be because you become stuck in the everyday routines and forget to appreciate and care about each other. Breaking up is experienced by all of us, no matter if it is about love or friendship. The next few ideas will tell you what you should avoid if this happens.
1. Don’t organize ‘last dates’
Even if you once had said that it is over, there may be moments when you will think of organizing ‘a last date’ to say goodbye. Don’t let yourself influenced by these feelings because that would lead to nothing good. Don’t establish “neither together, nor separate”-like relationship. Don’t find the opportunity to meet, don’t call him/her. At the beginning it won’t work to remain friends, this comes only later. The two of you need time to overcome the pain, and it advised to stay away from each other for a certain period of time.
2. Don’t cling to memories
After the break up, you will realize how many things set you together. Your room is probably full of presents that your partner gave to you, if you walk down the street you bump into memories about the time when you walked there together. All these feelings are natural and inevitable. If you desperately want to forget them, you won’t be able to do it. You shouldn’t even try. You have to accept that a period in your life has come to an end, and another one begins. Don’t look back, try to concentrate on your future.
3. Don’t run into a new relationship
If you have been together for many years, you are probably got used to be in a relationship and you will miss that surety and stability which it offered. However, it would be a bad idea to find a new lover and start a new relationship. At the beginning it may seem that it helps you to forget, but you will soon realize that you’ve been fooling yourself and the other people. All you need is time, be patient!
4. Don’t blame someone
Maybe this is the hardest part. If a relationship goes wrong, someone can be blamed for that: your partner was no longer so observant and kind as before, the daily stress made you angry and impatient with him/her, etc. Keep in mind: if a relationship goes bad, the two of you are equally guilty and equally guiltless for that. To get over the pain, you have to admit that you took mistakes, as well as your partner. It has no sense to think about “what were if …”. Don’t blame yourself, you can learn from your mistakes.
5. Don’t get depressed
Of course, a heartbreak may cause you several bad days/months, but you shouldn’t fall into deep sorrow. Go out with your friends, they will probably help you to get over it. Find new hobbies, go to places where you haven’t been before. Follow Karl Lagerfeld’s principle: “I don’t want to do anything over again, ever again. I want only to do what I haven’t done.”
All in all, these are just a few guidelines, every case is different. The main idea is to have the courage to say goodbye if it’s needed and it is for sure that you can recover from the suffering.
Adrienne Miller: http://find-new-york.com/