The best part about our exes is that without them we wouldn’t be the people we are today, which, of course, can also be the worst thing about them, too. Whether or not we like it, our exes, although our past, can still be a very present part of our lives, even if we haven’t talked to them in years. We may be through with the past, as they say, but it doesn’t mean the past is through with us.
But for some people their ex isn’t just a ghost that haunts them, but a real live person with whom they still have a close bond and friendship. To those who can still be friends with their ex they deserve a huge “kudos!”, but what about their new partner? How do they feel when the past just won’t go away?
We asked a few women their thoughts on men who are still friends with their exes. We asked a few women their thoughts on men who are still friends with their exes. Is it a testament to how great he is? Or is the phrase “just friends” actually code for “we’re still banging?”
Out of sight, out of mind.
“They might be ‘friends,’ but I don’t really feel like being in the same room as someone who has also seen my significant other nekkid and isn’t his mom. Probably not code for ‘still doing it,’ but it’s unnecessary. I will throw in an exception for high school group of friends, because some groups passed each other around like a game of hot potato,” says Nicole, 33.
“I’m still friends with one of my exes, but he’s an ex from college and there are no feelings there at all. My boyfriend has never met him and has zero interest in doing so, because he feels he might get jealous. I guess I’d feel the same way if my boyfriend were still friends with his exes — as long as I don’t have to witness the private jokes and intimacy that’s still there, it’s OK. But he doesn’t keep in touch with any of his exes, so I don’t have to worry about it thank god,” Jennie, 29.
It’s all about trust, and lots of it.
“I never hang with my ex so it’s hard to imagine… but how I feel about it depends on the relationship I have with the guy. If I have a solid one then I will be comfortable having my boyfriend staying close friends with exes. I would basically put my whole trust in the guy I am with, it’s just easier on my mind that way, and I am sure is better for the relationship,” says Mieko, 35.
“I don’t know. I’d like to think that my trust wouldn’t be broken, but past relationships have taught me that trust is a hard thing to NOT have broken. It would depend on the relationship and our level of mutual trust and respect,” says Courtney, 27.
I do it, so it’s cool if he does it, too… to a degree, of course.
“I still meet up with exes on occasion, so I wouldn’t mind if they do. There’s always a line where it turns from being friendly and keeping in touch, to rekindling,” says Autumn, 25.
“I’m friends with all my exes, but maybe it’s because I never loved them? Anyway, I’m fine with the guy still hanging out with his ex as long as he has the relationship I have with mine,” says Natalie, 26.
“Based on experience, men and women can’t REALLY be friends if they have a sexual history, so no f**king way. I wouldn’t tolerate it,” says Patricia, 33.
So, what about you? Are you down with your partner hanging out with their ex, or is it completely insane to put that amount of trust in someone? You have to figure that they saw something in them once, so maybe they could again? Or not. People are usually exes for a reason.