Gandollar, I Pronounce Thee Ganduje
When the gods are with you, men can only hate but will not be able to hurt you. When my colleague , Jafaar Jafaar released a series of doctored… no, colored videos bearing the “unmistakable likeness” of Abdullahi Umar Ganduje, venerable governor of Kano state stuffing dollars in his pockets, I said to myself, this too shall pass for him.
The gods are wise, it did not take long before the grand khadi of integrity, President Muhammadu Buhari placed a curse on the videos against Ganduje declaring it unclean for human consumption.
The Kano state governor who was honored by the gods when he was chosen as the only mortal to speak publicly to Buhari on phone from far away LONDON when enemies thought he had died is most certainly prayerful. He has become Untouchable and for now invisible. Some of the wisemen of the land wondered how a video bearing his likeness was captured without retribution from the gods. It must be the wickedness of social media technology wizardry manipulated by peddlers of hate speech , they thought to themselves. See one of the reasons why some people should be hanged for using social media platforms to melt the Golden integrity of our leaders ?
I knew that Jafaar, a revered media personality with a reputation for good media judgement must have failed to take into cognizance that some anointed Nigerians cannot be touched no matter the magnitude of facts available to prove crime was committed. Afterall so many clerics who were anointed or who anointed themselves are getting away with humongous crimes. For Gandollar (perdon me, Ganduje), he is a victim of social media hate manipulation!
The Gods are wise! In Nigeria, security operatives have a special inspiration when investigating “awesome” cases. For Ganduje, it is a sweet victory for war against hate. The government simply scored two goals with one ball. They shamed hate speech and “raised the stakes” for corruption war the best way they could. The video was well scrutinized with the left eye closed for proper view and the right ear closed for good audio quality. It doesn’t matter who thinks differently, the gods have spoken!
Apologies to saint Uzor Kalu. He prayed and made a lot of sacrifices to the gods but the chief priests were only satisfied to use him for the 2019 presidential election evangelism. He is now roaming around from room to room “eating food in prison”. Kalu will soon be out in just 12 years. Ganduje and Kalu are divides of worshippers where one is untouchable even invincible, the other is a cow without a tail, very guilty of defilement of the Temple of the gods.
The gods are wise, judgement is for the favored in the kingdom of Nigeria. The courts are loyal to the gods and that is why DSS unleashed familiar spirits to pick Omoleye Sowore from their holiest sanctuary to cure the land of dissenting spirits. Let nobody accuse the judges, the gods are wise and ahead of time, they have placed anointed spirits to protect temples across institutions.
The following is the way the gods have decided to favor its chosen few. The following government institutions are headed by anointed saints whose stars were spotted from northern Nigeria; Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS), Mortgage Bank of Nigeria, Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), Asset Management Corporation of Nigeria (AMCON), Nigerian Ports Authority (NPC).
Other institutions include; Finance, Customs, immigration, police, the armed forces, the legislature, the judiciary, executive, the Department of State Security (DSS), the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (ÉFCC). The gods are sanctimoniously wise.
Some tiny spirits seeking relevance are forcing me to say more about Sowore. Have I not done well to mention him earlier? Now they want me to judge his “Revolution now” and the “baboon, dog and blood” statement. How can I do that when I am not the angel at the gate of heaven and hell? That’s so rude! I can only attempt to measure Sowore agitation for good governance with the 30 days eviction order handed down Igbos for rejecting RUGA – Fulani settlement by Northern Youths leader, Abdul Azeez Suleman. That is how far I will go, after all this piece is all about the vindicated Ganduje.
The gods are wise in Nigeria and that is why some animals are more equal than the orders since 2015. Going forward, there will be spiritual battles to protect the saintly by the anointed. For those condemned to damnation, judgement day comes with touch light where everything can be used against the unfavored. A video distributed by Boko Haram will be blamed on Independent People of Biafra (IPOB) to show the inevitable signs of the end of time.
Let no mortal speak of the unclean video depicting Ganduje stuffing dollars like a quokka stuffing its cheeks with wads of leafs. In fairness There was no case reported of any missing dollar from the Kano treasury. May the technicalities that got him a second term and “fair” judgement in court abide with him. Yes, the gods are wise and that is why Ganduje has been declared free from the spirit of Gandollar.
Ebije can be reached by mail: email@example.com